Thursday, September 20, 2012

August 31, 2012

WE LEFT THE BLACK HILLS TODAY for the beginning of the “Real West: Wyoming.” I was so excited I toyed around with making an exception to my long-standing, self-imposed ban against bumper stickers. Pioneers often painted “Root Hog or Die” on their wagons, and I thought that Carole could fashion a bumper sticker with that classic message on it. I eventually rejected the idea, fearing that people would pull me over and ask me to explain the bumper sticker.
 
Before leaving South Dakota, however, I felt an obligation to visit Deadwood to see where Wild Bill Hickok was cowardly slain by a sniffling back-shooter. It seemed fitting that we make the detour to Deadwood. After all, I grew up in the same county as Bill did, and we had passed by his birth place on the first day of our trip; we would simply be completing the circle. Bill’s last chair is prominently displayed over the door of Saloon 10 where Bill died while holding the famous dead man’s hand. Other than Bill’s chair, there was nothing else in town we wanted to see.


Shortly after we crossed into Wyoming, we saw a sign for a “Buffalo Drop,” one of those places where the sneaky Indians would trick innocent buffalo into plunging over a cliff. The Indians must have whooped it up waiting for the buffalo to die. I took a few pictures, but couldn't get the image of those poor beasts writhing in pain out of my mind.

Carole told me that we were heading for Devil’s Tower. I had never heard of it and asked her to explain what it was.
 
“It is a very tall stone which looks like a tower.
“Whose heads are carved on it?”
“There are no heads, but it looks like a tower.”
“A big rock, but no head?”
When we got there, I have to admit that it did look like a tower. I learned that it was another place the Indians believed to be a religious site. There were a variety of Indian stories about how it was created; the stories were inconsistent but had certain common themes. In all of the stories, a person was turned into a bear and then tried to gobble up whatever people were around. In addition to the bear, there was also magic involved in each of the stories. Although the details and the magic varied from story to story, the people ended up hiding out on top of the tower. Finally, all of the stories concluded with the bear unsuccessfully trying to climb the tower and leaving paw marks which can be seen today.
Boy, those Indians could tell some whoppers.



We stayed at a bed and breakfast nearly impossible to find. When I plugged its address into the Garmin, the woman in there simply laughed. All I remember is a number of dirt roads which ended up facing gates with no-trespassing signs. Eventually, we found the place.  Mirable dictu, it had WI Fi and sporadic cell phone connectivity. Best of all, the food was great. Everyone there but us had come to climb the Tower. The other guests, some 12 in number, exuded the type of fitness that one does not get in a health club. Our host, in particular, was an expert climber. Despite his best efforts, he was not able to convince me to take a shot at the Tower. I told him that I had read In Thin Air, and that was as close to climbing as I wanted to be. Also, I did not want to admit that I was still tired after saving the blonde on Mt. Rushmore the day before.

Climbers go to bed early, so we retired to our room shortly after dinner. Carole started to doze, but I noticed a light outside. After walking outside, I saw what appeared to be a huge hovering aircraft of some sort. When it landed, a large number of people emerged from the nearby woods and began to approach the aircraft. They were walking very slowly with distended eyeballs. Except for the serene looks on their faces, they could have passed for zombies. I followed them until a weird looking little guy appeared before me. When he spoke, his voice had a metallic quality.
 
“You have been chosen.”
“Say what?”
“You have been chosen; please step aboard.”
“Wait a minute, wait a minute, is Richard Dreyfus on the ship?”
“Yes, Richard has also been chosen.”
“In that case, I will wait for the next ship.”

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